Hi friends…I apologize in advance but this is not a crafting related post at all but something I’ve been needing to write about just to get my thoughts down somewhere. I’ll be back tomorrow with a fun blog hop but I hope you’ll excuse me today. A year ago today I lost a big piece of my heart around 5:00 PM and it is unbelievable to realize that it’s been a full year since we said goodbye to Merlin.
We don’t know exactly when Merlin was born but it was approximately the summer of 2002. Originally I was supposed to be his foster mom and I picked him up from another foster two days after Thanksgiving in 2005. He spent two weeks in a shelter until our rescue group discovered him and I still cannot believe that no one adopted him when he was in the shelter. I’m convinced Merlin must have been waiting for us. As a side note, we also discovered that he had kennel cough and we realize how lucky it is that no one at the shelter noticed because that generally is a death sentence for a shelter dog because they don’t want it to spread through the entire kennel. So we always guessed at his age but celebrated his “gotcha” day on November 26th.
I knew the moment I saw him that he would never be going anywhere without me. And for almost 12 years he was by my side constantly. He came to my studio where I taught lessons…he attended my graduate harp recital…he was part of our wedding (and the most popular member of the wedding party)…he came on our honeymoon. Except for a few rare occasions, we pretty much didn’t travel unless he could come, too.
He was a truly amazing old soul. The gentlest, sweetest, most anti-sheltie like sheltie you’d ever meet. Shelties have reputations for being barky, neurotic, and a little high-strung but Merlin was so mellow and laid back. We used to joke that if someone was trying to cast a movie with Merlin he’d be narrated by an old British gentleman like Ian McKellen. He loved to sit at my feet when I practiced the harp or piano and several of my students learned to play their instruments while he listened politely in the background. When I used to teach down in Harrisonburg once a week he came to lessons and was a regular fixture in my studio. In fact, the one time I left him at home with Steve when I drove down for a studio recital I had a few adult students panic because they couldn’t imagine performing without him being there as a steady, calming presence. After that I was not allowed to leave him behind. Anyone who met Merlin loved him.
Before we adopted Archimedes, Merlin had two other canine best friends: Patches, Steve’s childhood dog and Atticus, my mom’s dog. Sadly both dogs passed away within months of us bringing home Merlin but we have wonderful memories of him playing with both of them. This was one of first photos we have of Merlin when I brought him home to my parents’ house to meet them and he and Atticus immediately hit it off. We couldn’t get a still shot of them because they were having so much fun running around the backyard.
Yes, we even got him a life jacket so he could go sailing on my dad’s boat… 😉
And in 2009, shortly after Steve and I got married, Archimedes joined our family and Merlin fell absolutely head over heels for Archimedes. We had fostered several shelties prior to Archimedes (including Blu who was adopted by my in-laws) but they never really clicked with Merlin. He tolerated all the dogs that came into our house but Archimedes was the first one that he just adored.
You’d never find one of them without the other…even hanging around the house they generally stayed together in one room. The exception being my craft room…Archimedes was not a fan of the sound my Silhouette made so he’d stay upstairs with Steve and Merlin would sleep under my worktable. Though once we adopted Rogue, Archimedes would stay in my craftroom to avoid the cat. Ha.
A year later, the only regret I have of Merlin’s last day is that if I had realized that would be our final trip to the vet I would have brought Archimedes so that he would have been able to say goodbye, too. The frantic rush to get Archimedes and Rogue put away so that I could get Merlin to the vet was not the goodbye they deserved and for that I am truly sorry.
I see reminders of Merlin everyday when I walk around our house. We specifically built several features of our house with him in mind like a full glass backdoor so he could look outside at the birds and wide windowsills so he could easily get his front paws up to look outside (this was not exactly what we had in mind…but he really did enjoy barking at those squirrels)…
All this to say, that the piece of my heart that Merlin took is still gone but everyday it gets a little less painful to think of him and each day I remember more and more of the good memories of him and the bad ones grow more faint. He was such a big part of my young adult life and so many of my milestones are tied to him. I could write about him everyday and still not capture just how amazing he was. He adored us and we adored him. I found this anonymous quote years ago when we first adopted him and it makes me teary everytime I read it but I like to think of it when I think of Merlin.
“He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.”
Goodbye Merlin and thank you for loving us so much. We will see you again someday.
November 26th, 2005 – April 3rd, 2017
Such a very special post. Sending you hugs, love and healing thoughts. I truely understand what it feels like to lose such a ‘furry’ part of your heart💕
No need to apologise Jessica. That was truly beautiful and a wonderful memorial for a treasured family member.
Such beautiful fur babies! I know how it hurts. We just had our 18 year old cat, Lucky, put to sleep last Wednesday. We got him as a stray when he was about 8 mos old, the same age as our only child son, so we just decided they had the same birthday – and the two of them were always “brothers.” The difference in species seemed not to matter much. I know we’re not supposed to play favorites, but in a lifetime of cats Lucky was the best. Like Merlin was for you, I know Lucky was meant for us. My heart will hurt for a long time from this one – I’m so sorry you had to go through such sadness with Merlin. Hugs!!
Jessica, your Merlin was a beautiful dog…and this was such a beautiful tribute to him. Sorry for your loss…but glad you can find comfort in the memories! Our fur babies burrow deep into our hearts and will remain there forever. Hugs!
My heart weep and I couldn’t stop my tears reading this post, yes, dogs are the best kind of people, they are the best kind of friends, they are the best kind of everything! Big hug to you!!!!
Thank you for this incredible post….it is such a good reminder to enjoy all of those we love while we can. Your heart is open, wide and warm – no wonder you make such beautiful art! Thank you also for sharing a little about you and your family; that is one thing about blog-land that is a bit sad to me – I feel I’ve many kindred souls out there but I know virtually nothing about them! Sending hugs and warm wishes – Lynn
Wel now you have me crying like a baby. I love animals so much. This is a beautiful tribute to your beloved Merlin. So sorry that you have lost your beautiful dog a year ago. I hope your heart is healing – I still miss my beloved Muffin kitty and he’s been gone for 14 years. The hole in my heart is still there but like you said it hurts a little less as time goes by. Sending lots of hugs your way.
Ive just read your wonderful tribute to Merlin. It has brought tears to my eyes, because I too lost my precious darling dog Holly a year ago March 13th 2017. I’d had her from 9 weeks old and she lived to be 15 years and 4 months. I miss her every day and know that I will never get over losing her. At nearly 70 I’m too old now to get another puppy but I am considering adopting an older dog from a rescue centre. I wrote a poem some years ago. I use to include it with the pet portraits that I used to paint, for those that had sadly passed away.
This is for Merlin.
Now age no longer binds you, and pain no longer stills,
Run Merlin run through valleys and over hills.
Run in endless sunshine through the land of golden dreams,
Sup from the highest tables, Drink from the sweetest streams.
Years and years of friendship
from you with your gentle touch,
You asked for so little
But you gave so much.
Now again your eyes will sparkle
and your coat will reflect the sun,
So with tail erect and head held high run Merlin run.
Now as the day is ending, and when the evening starts,
Remember that your home is,
Here within our hearts.
Your story of Merlin brought me to tears. I was raised to believe Dogs where just Dogs..Something you could keep outside that made noise and a mess.
I am glad to say, I know now how to treat a dog as part of the family. As little tiny 5lb yorkie taught me how. Your story is moving. THANKS FOR SHARING.
Beautiful memories, Jess!
Beautiful written history of your special dog/ friend. So many of us have known and
Loved pets like you but not written such a lovely tribute to these loves.
Beautifully written… I am so glad you had this love.
Such a heartwarming post. Thank you. We still miss our three little pups who have passed on. Now we have one big rescue dog that we love to pieces. This post reminds me of how lucky we are to have such wonderful companions.
Thank you for sharing Merlin with us… it is a lovely tribute to a wonderful companion and friend. Like you, I love my shelties, and each one has left huge paw prints on my heart. I so glad you and Merlin found each other… it does sound like it was meant to be. My oldest furbaby, Alva, may have had his cancer return (we’re waiting for the results to return). At his age of 13.5, I’m not going to put him through any chemo or more major surgery. He deserves to live the rest of his life with as much dignity and happiness that he deserves. He is my first agility dog, my second deaf dog, and a very, very special loving sheltie. I will think of you and all others who have had to walk that difficult last walk with their furfriends… it is never easy. Peace and love to you and your family.
Such a moving tribute to his wonderful soul. I remember the day he passed like it was yesterday and the day our gentle soul, Beau, left this earth shortly thereafter. They take so much with them when they go but we’ll be together again is my mantra and what I hold onto.
Oh Jessica, I had to stop halfway thru your post to cry. I see all the love shining through your words. I’m so sorry for your loss. My elderly cat is sick now and I try to enjoy him every second I can. He’s been my buddy through so much. Take care and be kind to yourself. You are such a wonderful dog mom.
Such a beautiful good-bye to a truly fantastic dog. You have me in tears, thinking of all the fur babies I’ve had to let go of in the past. I appreciate your loving tribute and I am touched that you chose to share it with us. The only thing that outweighs the pain of losing an animal is all the joyful memories they leave us with. Hugs! xo
this was beautiful. Your thoughts about your beloved Merlin make me look over at my Humphrey, only 5, but I have had to say goodbye to two kitties both 18+ years old. How lucky you were to have him by your side for so many adventures. May his memory be a blessing.
I appreciate you sharing such a personal moment. I also had a Sheltie, Nikki, and she was the sweetest girl. Your dogs are so very lucky to have you because you obviously cared for them deeply. Sending you hugs & comfort.
Jess, you have such beautiful memories of Merlin. He was a wonderful friend.
Your one regret may be a blessing in disguise. When our Beagle, Buddy left us, Jasper my Boxer boy was with us. It was a yearly vet check, but we were pretty sure that we would be saying goodby to Bud. He was about 15 and had a brain tumor. I thought it would be good that Jasper was there to say goodbye, but after that he became dog aggressive when we went to the vets office. I have no idea what his thought process was, but it’s been three years and he hasn’t improved.
Anyway, it’s hard to lose such a great friend. They don’t come along that often.
{{{hugs}}}
A beautiful tribute to your dog baby! 😢🐾
Thanks for sharing. I feel like I just watched a beautiful movie while I read your post!
What a beautiful tribute to a handsome fur friend! I totally understand the emptiness in your heart now that he is in Heaven. Jesse girl, a black lab, was my Archimedes and even though it has been 6 years I miss her every day.
Archimedes is now your Furry Angel and is still watching over you! ((((Hugs))))
Thank you for taking the time to letting us really get to know Merlin. What a special dog. I lost my first dog, Spirit in 2011 after 12 wonderful years. She was the alpha dog and we nicknamed her Princess. She could be aloof but yet she would let you know how special you were to her and then I could let her know. She went everyplace with us. It has been 7 years and she still brings tears to my eyes but the good times are outweighing the pain. You and Steve will get there Jess, just give it time.
Balling. He was such a beautiful boy. Wish pets could live forever.
Jess, I totally understand your feelings about your fur baby, I have lost one of our black Labradors and the space in my heart is always there. My other dog fills me with love and companionship but they too never got the goodbye they deserved to give each other. Your heart and head will always remember him and your memories will be there for life, thank you for sharing him in ours today x Hugs to you and family x